I want my baby back

I just want some ribs. I've never been unhappy while eating ribs. Ribs just take the pain and make it go away... and then come back after you're done because now you hate yourself for eating an entire rack of ribs by yourself and your face and fingers are now all sticky.

Today, I am in Hell.

I hate Nevada. It's hot and sticky outside all the time, and all you can see anywhere is dirt. I hate Nevada. But even worse than just Nevada in general, is Elko, Nevada. Besides the fact that Elko is hot and sticky and covered in dirt, it is one of those vacuum towns- anyone who is born there can't get out when they grow up, so it's just a small town filled with dead dreams and the people that can't escape it. And the way the boys stare... Gosh you would think they'd never seen a girl in their entire lives! I'm pretty sure that hell is a crowded Walmart on Black Friday located in Elko. Or maybe it's just a never ending AP test that you didn't study for given in the DMV. Either way, I don't want to go. And I just want to get out of Nevada.

Teenage Nothing is dating a real life boy?!?

pros and cons.

pros: he's funny, cute, nice, and he seems to like me.

cons: he wears fake glasses.

I just don't know if this is going to go anywhere...,,,

commas,,,

Commas. The vampire fangs of punctuation. I think instead of doing ellipses (...) it would make more of a statement to use commas. Example: I don't know... (meaning you are unsure and hesitant and therefore you look weak to your opponent) it becomes: I don't know,,, (now meaning, IDGAF, and I know I can take you.)   So make a statement, don't forget the commas,,,

pet peeve of the day.

pizza dabbers. Okay people, just eat the stinking pizza. If you take a napkin and dab off the grease, that is a literal crime. You're getting rid of the best part. (my favorite foods being grease, meat, and any sort of fried dough.) You know a slice is good when the grease pools in the melted and slightly browned cheese and crisped pepperoni. I bet no one has ever realized that a slice of pizza is such poetry as to not be tampered with, especially with the likes of a napkin.

it's the end of the world as we know it... I feel fine.

I now know with out a doubt how the world will end.

Cleaveland was saying how she wanted to get and iPhone; Liz and I just rolled our eyes. But then Liz started saying how if everyone got an iPhone then we would reach our data limit and nobodies phones would work. And then I was given an epiphany.

It's like Y2K all over again. (Year 2000. You know, when everyone thought that the computers wouldn't be able to handle the date switch over? Yeah, people seriously thought that. What idiots. Now my theory, it is not stupid like that at all.) (sarcasm.) Okay, so in December 2012, all of our technology is going to crash because we have reached the data limit. We will have to rebuild it all, from the ground up. The literal world isn't going to end, just the things we think our world is. That's why the Mayan calendar stops, because that is where we are going to have to start over and revert back to simpler times.

I just love conspiracy theories. Gosh I sound like the crazy guy with a patchy beard that lives in a van down by the river with his four cats as company.

I wish I had the shirt I bought that said, "I survived y2k." It was such a sick shirt. But I had to go and give it to that boob I was dating at the time along with an awesome Beatles record. I should go ask for my stuff back. But that means altering my personality entirely and becoming less lazy. So I guess no one will ever know about how "I survived y2k." That shirt is going to be outdated anyway. Now I want one that says, "I survived y2k12." yeah, suck on that boob with my y2k shirt. boob.

Skinny Love (Who sings that? Is that Bawn Eyevehr?)

Me and my two best friends all work at the same city pool. I work as a counselor for a kids program, and Liz is a lifeguard and Cleaveland works at the concession stand. And I could go on about how nice it is to have a friend who works at the concession stand; let's just say there is nothing more I love than free food. But alas, this post is about to get a bit more interesting.

The pool is outdoors, and for some reason is ill equipped with surveillance cameras, because there are none that monitor the pool. So as we were driving home late one night from a rockin' concert, we had the bright idea of sneaking in to the pool for a midnight dip.

What. A. Rush. Going naked off the high dive has got to be one of the coolest things I've been able to convince myself to do, other than the time Cleaveland and I jumped onto the running carousel at the mall.

It was all fun and games until we saw the sirens. The three of us flopped ourselves onto the concrete beached whale style and then rolled to our clothes, quickly pulling them on. We did not want to have to be lectured by a cop in our birthday suits.

Luckily, the cop was busting a bunch of other kids for fireworks. Hallelujah. For once in my life I've gotten away with something. Muwahaha.